The Medical Examiner failed to notify my police detail to release Burt’s body. This was an hours long oversight which involved not just waves of paramedics but lasted through three shifts of cops. We asked the first of them if R, Burt’s aide, could go home but they and he lingered at home. I calledContinue reading “Last day”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
Lying
In the universe of dementia caregivers, there is often a need to practice therapeutic lying. I have been a natural practitioner. The fibs were for the best. They were in place to protect, shield, and guide a quality of life for Burt. The things that mattered in our life were that Burt felt and wasContinue reading “Lying”
Sixth stage
When you’re caring for a person with dementia, you get to repeat the five stages of grief over and over. While your spouse is playing out his Groundhog Day, repeatedly wondering what time it is, you’re stuck in denial anger bargaining depression acceptance over and over. It’s not just sorrow (and surprise) as a newContinue reading “Sixth stage”
Endings
What experiences in life helped you grow the most? It felt odd sharing news of Burt’s death in an email or text. It was odd having that news to share. He lived large and well right up to his last few days. Even during 4, nearly 5 years with dementia he found pleasure in connectingContinue reading “Endings”
His story
There’s a lot of serendipity afloat at this end of our journey. I get glints from the universe that all provide points of light from Burt’s life. Or maybe, my experiences spur my memories. Memories are giving me context to our history, mine and Burt’s. I knew his background, I think, because Burt was alwaysContinue reading “His story”
Connect the dots
Every conversation…. no, it’s not the conversation. It is I. I am the one who pulls memories out of every and all conversation. I connect to something I hear so I can probe my memories of Burt more deeply. I seek a deeper remembrance. He’s connected to everything I hear and everything I speak ofContinue reading “Connect the dots”
Community
My friend and neighbor D was one of those who watched over us. Another neighbor has been urging me to get a dog. She thinks a small dog would be best. She, as people do, really loves her dog. Burt had been fearful around dogs, and I think she took it a little personally whenContinue reading “Community”
Glad you asked
Sorry to have this answer Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to. Marriage isn’t rightly described as a phase. Some are soon ended. Others last from highschool sweetheart on, til. Ours started in midlife and ended with Burt’s death. Nearly 33 years married and almost 35 together. Maybe, like hisContinue reading “Glad you asked”
Routines
It occurs to me that in the five long five short years during which Burt suffered at the hands of Lewy, we lived a lifetime of routines. We watched Lawrence Welk every week. We had television dates. For a while we went to the park all the time. We had a weekend outing every SaturdayContinue reading “Routines”
Esplanade
D and I made plans to take a walk today. The weather’s been mild. Maybe we’ll cross the bridge that goes over the FDR to the Riverwalk. Burt and I used to walk there all the time. I mean, before he got sick, too. For a while, when he was still walking, we would goContinue reading “Esplanade”
this is our life 