therealtamara

You Sit with Me

I imagine you at a table in The café in Sotheby’s, oneWhere an older couple sitsAs I pass. I imagine you asYou eat a tuna sandwich weBuy at Pret. I say imagine,Not remember, imagine is A more vivid word. It is ofThe present and I see youIn the present. You are myGift, my treasure. IContinue reading “You Sit with Me”

Musing

Today, I was thinking, with a bit of regret, that over the years I had not told Burt that he was handsome. This twinge was triggered by a poem in which I called him “my handsome man.” Isn’t it too late to let him know now? My regret is only half serious. Burt knew howContinue reading “Musing”

I write a poem

This is a poem becauseBecause I miss you andToday I miss you more, Seeing your picture, oneTaken years before yourIllness changed you, whenA walk on the ramp to orFrom our river path wasYour favorite way to spendSome hours, when you Were strong, and active,I miss you in that beforeTime, but you know I alsoMiss theContinue reading “I write a poem”

More in the memory dept.

As I leave lunch at Old John’s, I pass Merkin Hall and think Burt and I went there a few times. Of course we did. We went to just about every concert hall in town.

Cost of Care

Axios reports, as anyone caring for a person needing care knows, that home health care services are rising. As someone who paid for home health aides for Burt for the better part of his five year affliction, I can attest how very expensive this already was. If only… if only we had gotten long-term careContinue reading “Cost of Care”

Quitting, is that really an option?

You know what, I quit Based on A Prompt From My Caregiver Writing Group In the rearview mirror when I watch my caregiving technique, I wince at this. Yes, I would throw my hands in the air in dramatic exasperation. “I can’t, I give up,” I would say, making for the bedroom door. You knowContinue reading “Quitting, is that really an option?”

Burt over the years

The picture top left just turned up in my phone. I was just noodling and this photo from 2006 popped up. Burt in front of Peking ducks is a long forgotten restaurant. It’s the only photo I (and you) had not seen before.

A trip

My first trip in forever takes me to a meditation on when and where Burt and I had travelled. Our travels were circumspect; we stayed close to home. We took the Amtrak to Hudson a number of times. Hudson is kind of the gateway to the Berkshires where I am going this weekend. On theContinue reading “A trip”

HiProtein O’s

I am still in that crazy but comforting space where Burt is present. While eating protein oats, I am wondering if only I had had Magic Spoon high protein o’s for him could I have prolonged his life? Then I wonder if he would benefit from that; would he want his life extended; would heContinue reading “HiProtein O’s”

At home on a rainy day

As I sit here writing, and reading, I have a strong feeling that Burt is present with me. It’s the first time, since the time I thought I needed to go check on him. That had happened just a few days after he passed. It’s been months now, nearly eight, and this is different. Today,Continue reading “At home on a rainy day”