Still a puzzle. All week, he’s talking about loving it outside. It’s a gorgeous, warm, agreeable day, but Burt is not. Agreeable, that is. We’ve discussed his fear that we won’t find our way home both privately and with his “driver,” the weekend aide. On this occasion, he recognizes that I am with him. SoContinue reading “The great outdoors”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
One big thing
It’s a small thing that’s true, but just a few weeks ago, it was an all-consuming (pun intended) huge thing. The food fight at the Beck house has subsided. That my friends is one BIG thing. It’s not just that Burt’s asking for food, but he eats avocado and yogurt. Yogurt! I even gave himContinue reading “One big thing”
My poet
This is what I needed to move from the darkness I have been feeling. [To wit, a poem called Seeking Joy, which hardly hit its mark.] It was a contribution by my love, my p.w.d. Burt said something that was very uncharacteristic. He told me, “You’re talking to a poet.” I said, “You are theContinue reading “My poet”
Weighing the options
Let’s get practical about what is involved in care for your p.w.d. I advocate getting an aide early on when perhaps all your dearest needs is companion care. This is for you, the spouse or family caregiver. You definitely need the time while s/he is with someone. The expenses are astronomical. I know not everyoneContinue reading “Weighing the options”
Time is not the only
A poem So much has gone missingAs I mourn your losses andThe loss of you, the loss of Your thoughts, recollections,The loss of who you were orHow you form ideas, come To conclusions. All the lossThat is clear, and all that isAmbiguous, waiting in theWings for the big finale I amSure will tear my heartContinue reading “Time is not the only”
Poems of time and remembrance
He told me all his stories, so That when this day came, I’d Be the one who remembered. Love song: if I remember you Is it lost if we mourn it Mourning When he lost the wisdom of his age What feels like the loss That he’s broken and breaking [Like] Lear on the moorContinue reading “Poems of time and remembrance”
In free fall
This is a horrid disease. I believe all dementias are damnable and heartbreaking. Lewy, however, seems to offer behavioral twists and emotional wrenches that make it that much more accursed. So, while all dementias are a burden on sufferer and carer, this is the one we’ve got. Burt has quirks that predate his illness. HeContinue reading “In free fall”
Should’ve
When you came home from a walk and said you were lost on 5th Avenue, I was worried. When you told me you had experienced double vision, I worried again. I should have asked you how you felt. Your worry was unspoken but deeply felt. I should have said I’m worried, but you matter. IfContinue reading “Should’ve”
Aggression
“So,” she asked, trying to put it tactfully. “Is Burt ever, how do I say it, does he lash out?” Oh, yes, that famous Lewy Body aggressivity. It’s why an agency felt they had to deny services. Burt is, as I like to say, performatively belligerent. Of course, he is, but he does lash out.Continue reading “Aggression”
Do as I say…
Out of desperation over difficult mornings, I switched morning meds to early afternoon. I had reservations about this choice but got the approval of his doctors. At the time of my decision, Burt was fighting taking his pills in the a.m. and sleeping late. I needed to get out of the house for my dailyContinue reading “Do as I say…”
this is our life 