TheRealTamara

Why didn’t I think of that

I had a “duh” moment tonight when I took Burt to a Thanksgiving party at our nearby neighborhood center. I hesitated. I had trepidations. He was nervous. His anxiety over where, when, why were extreme. I was pretty sure I could safely ignore his exhortation to “get another boyfriend” if I wanted to go toContinue reading “Why didn’t I think of that”

Gratitude

It’s Thanksgiving, that Thursday in November we’ve designated as a day on which to be grateful. I am. I still have my Burt. His challenges come with heaps of love and appreciation. That’s to say he is grateful. He frequently thanks me for everything I do for him. He doesn’t forget to be appreciative ofContinue reading “Gratitude”

“I’m so emotional, baby”

We all tend to be so overwhelmed by our own emotions. I should have realized this sooner, but it hit me just now. A young woman was on her phone and she started tearing up when she said, “I feel like….” That conclusion brings me to our LBD partners. They are in a constant rawContinue reading ““I’m so emotional, baby””

Paying attention

Is it possible that we are watching too closely? We see declines. We worry. We are concerned with their comfort. We look to manage this disease. We know we can’t prevent the inevitable, but we look to head it off at the pass. Sometimes, when we pay so much attention, we give ourselves more worries.Continue reading “Paying attention”

Memories

Burnout

It’s a topic of great interest to anyone who is caring for another human being. Family caregivers have a dose of extra responsibility. There’s the physical caring, which seems like a lot. It’s not all. We also make personal decisions about the healthcare of our loved ones. Financial decisions fall to us as, often, doContinue reading “Burnout”

A surprise party

What was I thinking? Honestly, I had trepidations. This could go either way. Or in any direction. A party could be too much for him. It could be confusing to meet so many people. It could be overwhelming or an unwelcome surprise. My Burt is a very social guy. He’s made lots of friends inContinue reading “A surprise party”

Feels like a job

It’s a new revelation at my end of the caring experience. I started thinking of my often funny, sometimes difficult honey of a man as a job. I hate myself for that, but there it is. He is work. Many of us thrust into this kind of role feel unqualified. I am ill-suited to beContinue reading “Feels like a job”

Partners

The loss of a partner is a difficult loss. When your love has dementia the loss is kind of on-going. He can’t provide the support he once did. He can’t be the partner he wants to be. Burt is constantly saying “if you have a problem, come to me.” He is sincere, but he can’tContinue reading “Partners”

One day at a time

This cliche of better living is a caveat not just for members of the 12-step community but for anyone wishing to enjoy a more balanced life. Ironically, it is in the throes of my husband’s difficult diagnosis that I found a way towards “living in the moment.” At first, I was thrown by every changeContinue reading “One day at a time”