His hand is so much bigger than mine. I feel protected holding his hand, and yet I know it’s my job to protect him. When he was first diagnosed he denied the diagnosis. I thought if only he knew it would be so much easier. I could justify the decisions I had to make, explainContinue reading “The gift”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
Literary illusions/alusions
In the beginning, just before we got his diagnosis, I would describe our life in view of literature. The comparison to Ionesco fed my worldly aspirations. Rhinoceros also kind of described where Capgras was leading us. Of course, Groundhog Day also fit the bill when repetition was a regimen. An attempt at absurdist wit wasContinue reading “Literary illusions/alusions”
All the to-dos
Write about your approach to budgeting. There are so many things that can overwhelm the caregiver in this journey. It’s not just the responsibility – both financial and physical – and our loved one’s urgent and ongoing needs, but the long lists of what-to-dos. There are supplies we have to keep on hand. Burt justContinue reading “All the to-dos”
I love you
Reassurance is important for my person with dementia. I slip and forget sometimes. I realized this today when I said, “I love you, sweetheart.” He did not respond with an “I love you too,” but with “you didn’t tell me in a long time.” His remark serves as a reminder to me to say “IContinue reading “I love you”
Giving my best. Doing my best
Burt expects me to deliver my best self. He knows it doesn’t always happen. “I’m doing the best I can” is often dismissed as not good enough. Sometimes, it’s met without challenge and accepted. Forgiven or forgotten. The other day, when we established that no aide would be with us, Burt asked me if IContinue reading “Giving my best. Doing my best”
The confusion
It’s hard to resist the urge to say “really? Really, you don’t know that your first wife was named Susan?” Just one of a series of “really’s” that his infliction brings to the fore. As we’re on a high of successes, his confusion is more unwelcome. I feel it like the contradiction pulling me downContinue reading “The confusion”
Brain health
It seems that advice for maintaining a healthy brain is similar to what we do to keep our bodies well. Walking or any kind of moving helps in this goal. Smoking is out, but studying is a boon to our brains. Being overweight is bad for our bodies, our hearts, and our brains. Another essentialContinue reading “Brain health”
Good news
You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do? You share it with the one you love. Right? After that “point of pain,” I also need to share something wonderful. Shortly after we got Burt’s diagnosis, I was rummaging through a closet and found some of the extravagantly sentimental cards BurtContinue reading “Good news”
A point of pain
You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do? This prompt [above] hits a nerve in our situation. Good news would be something to share with your spouse. As would, of course, fantastic news and alas bad. The first person I would turn to would be Burt. In his fluctuating stateContinue reading “A point of pain”
Promptly
Do you need a break? From what? In my context, the context of this blog, the answer is sadly obvious. Do I need a break from caregiving? Yes, I am sure I do. I am sure any of us in these circumstances does. What’s more, I am sure we all wish we didn’t. Wouldn’t itContinue reading “Promptly”
this is our life 