In the beginning, I only saw the symptoms. I protected us from the damaging effects of his impulsiveness, poor judgment, and diminished cognition. When he was aggressive, I did what I could so he didn’t hurt himself, me, or others. I met his agitation with the “I’m sorries” I had learned from counselors easing meContinue reading “It’s more than just the symptoms”
Category Archives: Losses
What’s changed
Our lives have been turned topsy turvy by Burt’s dementia. Lewy Body has no timeline, but it does twist time. Obviously, Burt has been changed by his illness. Not so obviously, so have I The question: How has my pwd’s dementia changed me? has a long answer. I so want to say I am aContinue reading “What’s changed”
My gratitude journey
A few short months have passed since I thrilled at how well Burt was doing. He truly enjoyed his surprise birthday. That was in November when a group gathering to celebrate him was a very welcome experience. He made it through my birthday party in early February. It made his decline by the middle ofContinue reading “My gratitude journey”
Party? Not right now
I am about to cancel a party I planned for our 32nd anniversary. Parties have been good to (and for) us this past year. Burt loved his 84th surprise birthday gathering. People interested him, and it was a lively event. He insisted I should have one, too, and was able to enjoy the crowd. TheContinue reading “Party? Not right now”
Cognitive decline
The way in which Burt’s reasoning works these days is odd and irregular. Much of his thought processes take him in divergent directions. He sees no contradiction. If I weren’t so stricken by his illogical theorizing, I would find it all quite fascinating. As it is, his decline (euphemistically and paradoxically called disease progression) justContinue reading “Cognitive decline”
Rhythms
You and your spouse have a dynamic. It is likely, nay certain, that that dynamic will change as dementia takes hold. If you are like me, reluctant to let go, wishing it weren’t so, you will try to keep the rhythm of your relationship. It isn’t there. Sadly. They tell me acceptance will make itContinue reading “Rhythms”
The confusion
It’s hard to resist the urge to say “really? Really, you don’t know that your first wife was named Susan?” Just one of a series of “really’s” that his infliction brings to the fore. As we’re on a high of successes, his confusion is more unwelcome. I feel it like the contradiction pulling me downContinue reading “The confusion”
A point of pain
You get some great, amazingly fantastic news. What’s the first thing you do? This prompt [above] hits a nerve in our situation. Good news would be something to share with your spouse. As would, of course, fantastic news and alas bad. The first person I would turn to would be Burt. In his fluctuating stateContinue reading “A point of pain”
Prompted
So much that is too Much yet, I can’t fixThat. Why me, Burt Cries? I concur whyIndeed. I want to, I Do. I want to make itAll better, go away.I want to fix it. All Of it. I want to fixThat. I want our lifeBack. So very much.The elders would say”If wishes were horsesThen beggarsContinue reading “Prompted”
Rehab
Burt landed in a nursing center/rehab after a hospitalization for hip repair. I was there when he fell and like on other occasions when I was there but couldn’t say exactly what happened…. I had contracted covid and was on paxlovid and trying to stay away from him. I slept in the living room, butContinue reading “Rehab”
this is our life 