I am in a bereavement group at the moment. This is my second go at tackling, no taking in this kind of support. Why not? It’s very helpful talking to others recently bereft. We see the stages so much more clearly when they filter in other’s eyes. I try to be honest with my group,Continue reading “Thinking of…”
Category Archives: memories
Our story
We met at a bar called Tramps on Friday, May 3rd in 1990. There had been a phone call on Wednesday during which we had made that date. Technically, we met on May 1, 1990, I guess, but according to our Beck love lore, it’s always been May 3rd, now 35 years ago. On Friday,Continue reading “Our story”
Nearly 12,775 days
As I glance at the photo of our wedding, I say to Burt “That was the best day of my life.” It was, but actually, nearly all of the nearly 12,775 days I spent with you were the best. That day, May 1992, came after two years of getting-to-know-yous and adjustments. It was a lifeContinue reading “Nearly 12,775 days”
Good advice
Some days, Burt is so intensely missed that I walk around in a miasma of loss. That’s on one day, and it’s fine. It is inevitable that that feeling will come or go or both at once. Today, I miss him but I’m digging into memories. With the memory the miasma lifts; I am notContinue reading “Good advice”
Burt and I
Mourning and loss isn’t an illness. We don’t want to recover from it. We don’t expect to recover. We do, of course, hope to get past the initial shock and sadness. But the loss, that’s now and forever. The loss is permanent. Burt’s not coming back. I mourn that loss. It saddens me to have toContinue reading “Burt and I”
Quiet
The house is very empty without Burt’s presence. After he passed, I changed its configuration, flipping bedroom for livingroom. There is a kind of hush over both rooms. In many ways, it doesn’t feel like it was his house these last few years. Well, that’s not completely true; actually the big brown chair – hisContinue reading “Quiet”
When I met Burt
Burt lamented that his address had changed from 555 West 42nd Street when mgmt put the front entry on W43rd. [Note that they have given the address to the ensite theater, see below.] Soon after we met, his address changed again from the 500 block in midtown west to the 500 block on E72nd. WhileContinue reading “When I met Burt”
I heart you
Burt understood that when I bought him yet another hat, or one more shirt, it meant I loved him. It’s the heart is a materialistic muscle approach but I did buy him colorful garb out of love. I wanted him dressed in nice shirts or hats he loved. I knew the hats [especially] would pleaseContinue reading “I heart you”
Remembering
Keeping memories alive requires little effort; something will spark recall; often it will be random. It also takes concentration as random things pop in then out. I regret the lapses as much as I treasure the remembrances. Let’s be frank, the lapses are far more wrenching. They bring out guilt– how could I forget? — missingContinue reading “Remembering”
The Firehouse
Back in the neighborhood with the reminiscent firehouse, I am early^* for Fresh Tracks at New York LiveArts. Once again I am reminded about Burt’s encounter with the fireman all those years ago. ^*I went extra early with the intention of snacking and sitting at Ama Vita on W19. It’s closed on Saturdays?¿ Of course,Continue reading “The Firehouse”
this is our life 