Caregiving is a purposeful and busy occupation. While I was Burt’s caregiver, I had focus and pep even when I was worried and tired. Since Burt passed, just over a year ago, I have felt I was aging. I am, of course, as time rolls by, but it feels as if I went from energeticContinue reading “After care”
Category Archives: #sorrow
I was safe. I thought I was safe.
The above is a prompt from Wild Heart’s Miribai Starr- well the second half is. She is guiding the grief workshop to which I am listening. It debunks some myths about grieving. [Wild Heart and Holy Lament, a grief community, is led by Miribai and Willow Brook.] I thought I was safe; it’s not theContinue reading “I was safe. I thought I was safe.”
Laugh, love, remember
Honoring those we love who have died is not a matter of constant sorrow. I was in a speakeasy Friday night, having fun watching the young, and, yes, being honored by them. [See “You are icons.” Prohibitions is back, baby.] Intentionality, my awkward word for mindfulness, makes it essential to laugh while grieving. This isContinue reading “Laugh, love, remember”
Why am I?
Why are we so obsessed with the end, with being there when our loved one passes? I say “we,” but I am asking “Why am I reliving the end?” Why am I upset that I was not on the scene when Burt died? I say “we” because I think it’s a universal distress. I wasn’tContinue reading “Why am I?”
Passing
When Burt died, our aide and I checked for a pulse. I took the mirror, thanks to my slight acquaitance with Shakespeare to see if he was breathing. Then, I called his GCP at WCM Center on Aging. I wanted EMTs from a familiar place rather than 911 to tend to the final pronouncement. ItContinue reading “Passing”
Love and marriage
We’ve talked about love during caregiving, but I have not been forthright about sex. We don’t talk about that in polite society as my mother would assert. A visiting carer who came by to see Burt was not so circumspect. She suggested I should connect with someone in circumstances like my own. “It’s not cheating,”Continue reading “Love and marriage”
Burt and I
Mourning and loss isn’t an illness. We don’t want to recover from it. We don’t expect to recover. We do, of course, hope to get past the initial shock and sadness. But the loss, that’s now and forever. The loss is permanent. Burt’s not coming back. I mourn that loss. It saddens me to have toContinue reading “Burt and I”
Supporting
Healing after losing the one you love is not really about moving on. It’s about honoring and it’s about remembering. It’s also about finding joy. A word I am flinging around these days as if it were a flag to the future. It is important. Significantly, it also helps to continue to support others goingContinue reading “Supporting”
In the end
I wonder, pretty much in vain, what drove Burt to take to his bed. It was definitely not an improved quality of life. He did have what he needed, food, drink, change of clothes. Health concerns crop up for the bedbound, such as tending to or preventing bed sores. We took care of those. RegularContinue reading “In the end”
Bedbound
Burt’s choice to stay in his bed wasn’t really a choice. I had noticed a decline in the two months leading up to those last two months. Friends who came to celebrate his 85th birthday said he seemed less engaged. After that birthday party, he went out for ice cream in his wheelchair for theContinue reading “Bedbound”
this is our life 