Memory fades. Not just yours, my dear which was strangely altered and crippled by the dementia with which you suffered. Everyone’s. It, like the hearing of which couples complain, can be selective. Or just inaccurate. It was a gift to me when you recounted so much of your life story to me. Some of itContinue reading “Your story”
Tag Archives: #communication
Morning musings
He falls asleep shortly after I feed him. While he eats, he has the penetrating look of a serious child. He chews slowly, with great deliberation. He grabs my hand, the one holding the bottle to his lips, when he drinks. It all breaks my heart. There is a picture of Burt at 16 sittingContinue reading “Morning musings”
Maybe
At 4am the other night Burt said «my wife was here but she ran away.« I said I love you. Today I am wondering as he says where’d she go (meaning me, I think) if he misses me the way I miss him. I tell him I love him often. Often he gives me aContinue reading “Maybe”
Basic Burt
In the course of an hour or so, Burt was holding on tight to his aide’s hand. He took mine with his free hand and continued an elaborate explanation. His chat was freewheeling and pleasant. He’s been sweet like this of late. No arguments or accusations. This is Burt down to his basic self. He’sContinue reading “Basic Burt”
Call and response
“Burton Philip… we’re having a good day.” I am quoting the random callout Burt made last night. His conversation is ongoing, and he is addressing someone with questions and a flow of dialog. This is an evening ritual. Who am I kidding? These exchanges can go on all day long. My friend J is right.Continue reading “Call and response”
Amazing
In Down down up, I made the case that there was no denying Burt’s impairments. He’s no longer tethered to his Wall Street past, except for his frequent talk of money and time. He doesn’t see the companion of his journey by his side but lives with lots of imagined company. (Let me clarify, althoughContinue reading “Amazing”
Down down up
When I speak of Burt’s return or of an upswing, I am grading on a curve. After his recent declines, he has not achieved clarity, coherence, or cognitive functioning. He tells me of imagined trips where he met people with wonderfully unlikely names. He insists I bring Tamara to him when I say, “I’m yourContinue reading “Down down up”
Moment to moment
Burt’s fever broke overnight, almost as suddenly as it started. He was immediately a bit less disoriented. He was able to speak more clearly. We were just chatting, and he mentioned his ex-wife‘s name. I was prepared for this. I was prepared for it to hurt when I asked who she was. He did say,Continue reading “Moment to moment”
Here’s where the focus shifts
Burt is having more interactions with hallucinatory visitors these days. He experiences delusions and a good deal of confusion. This lessens his involvement and connection with those of us with him; the ones actually in the room. For instance, when I told him I was his wife and I was home with him, he said,Continue reading “Here’s where the focus shifts”
Mayhem
Burt asked me if I knew that guy. I listened a little harder, had he said Maynard? The guy, he repeated, «Mayhem«. His question gave me chills. I thought of the character Dean Winters plays in a TV ad, but I also thought of the mayhem LBD causes, the disruption in our lives and inContinue reading “Mayhem”
this is our life 