Burt understood that when I bought him yet another hat, or one more shirt, it meant I loved him. It’s the heart is a materialistic muscle approach but I did buy him colorful garb out of love. I wanted him dressed in nice shirts or hats he loved. I knew the hats [especially] would pleaseContinue reading “I heart you”
Author Archives: therealtamara
In a world gone mad
In a world gone mad, perhaps No madder, crazier than it has Been building – puffing itself up To, a world askew, I dream of You sitting by my left shoulder, When I awake disappointed to Find you gone, this feels sane, Missing you in a world turned Mad by liars, confidence men, Swindlers andContinue reading “In a world gone mad”
Remembering
Keeping memories alive requires little effort; something will spark recall; often it will be random. It also takes concentration as random things pop in then out. I regret the lapses as much as I treasure the remembrances. Let’s be frank, the lapses are far more wrenching. They bring out guilt– how could I forget? — missingContinue reading “Remembering”
If only we could
There are moments in my grief that I just want Burt back. I wish he were here. It’s an ache in my bones, my heart, behind my eyes. I know it is just grief and missing him, that hurt I am feeling. He’s better off, given the progression of his illness. It was time. But,Continue reading “If only we could”
Aggression and Lewy
It’s a possibility. Especially with LBD. I’ve mentioned that Burt had a period in which he exercised his anger and aggression. It was due to his aggressive behaviors that we were introduced to mild doses of Seroquel. In his case, the drug made him sleepy and I could dodge his attacks more easily. It didContinue reading “Aggression and Lewy”
Sweet Dreams of You
Recalling my dreams is unusual for me. In fact, I generally awake certain for sure I did not have a dream. I am told that that is not possible. People dream, I hear. The other morning I awoke to the end of a dream, disappointed that Burt was not sitting next to me. The dream was,Continue reading “Sweet Dreams of You”
From some writing session prompts
Resilient: hey, tough guy Burt in dementia was clearly and increasingly vulnerable. His losses were evident, yet, through it all, he maintained a resilience that served him well. I thought I was steering the ship but my captain somehow kept his hand on the rudder. We bobbed through troubled waters with Burt somehow maintaining anContinue reading “From some writing session prompts”
The Firehouse
Back in the neighborhood with the reminiscent firehouse, I am early^* for Fresh Tracks at New York LiveArts. Once again I am reminded about Burt’s encounter with the fireman all those yeats ago. ^*I went extra early with the intention of snacking and sitting at Ama Vita on W19. It’s closed on Saturdays?¿ Of course,Continue reading “The Firehouse”
Burt this Wednesday morning
It’s no secret that my walls and screens prominently feature photos of my guy. Seeing him with a this is a good day smile on a screen this morning, I had a pang of miss him. And in that moment, the pleasure of seeing him. More importantly, the pleasure of seeing him happy. This leadContinue reading “Burt this Wednesday morning”
Perfect
The thing about perfection is that it does not stand alone. That is to say, it is relative, as in what is perfect to you or for you is not objectively perfect. In the eye of the beholder. We are all flawed. We are all perfect. So, Burt was perfect. I remember some rough spots,Continue reading “Perfect”
this is our life 