She could no longer sneak outWith him to see the world throughHis fresh eyes; one blue, one withA small cloud of the nevus, brown;Eyes, opened wide with the surpriseOf knowing she loved him, of howMuch she loved him, surprise andDelight. His delight, recognized soSuddenly, and so often, delighted Her; it was a shared delight inContinue reading “No surprise”
Author Archives: therealtamara
Acting my age
In the little over three months since Burt’s passing, I have begun to feel old. Well, to express it more accurately, I have begun feeling my age. My first, initial, reaction was that the strain of care, worrying about Burt’s physical and emotional state, lifted. That came also with a lift of my shoulders aContinue reading “Acting my age”
A conversation
These are the times that try our souls. In light of the advent of big trouble in our nation’s social and political landscape, I found myself asking Burt for advice. I started by saying I was glad he was out of this and safe. If he were here I would stand silent to avoid anyContinue reading “A conversation”
Finding out
It had not occurred to me that anyone faced with caregiving alongside a person diagnosed with dementia would not seek… help, to learn all possible. I know you would not be following along here if you were that incurious. To my utter surprise, I met a disinterested spouse recently. I gather she had gone toContinue reading “Finding out”
Supporting
Healing after losing the one you love is not really about moving on. It’s about honoring and it’s about remembering. It’s also about finding joy. A word I am flinging around these days as if it were a flag to the future. It is important. Significantly, it also helps to continue to support others goingContinue reading “Supporting”
Some days
My grief regimen has been to keep really busy. There are some days that the activities don’t take me out in the whirlwind. I was feeling guilty those days, and then I thought, Why? It’s ok to stay home listening to an audio book or podcasts, writing or drawing. It’s ok to just be. AtContinue reading “Some days”
Don’t give up
As I was looking for a reference in some posts past, I found this amazing quote from Burt: “Don’t give up on loving me,” my very sleepy sweetheart said, holding my hand. As he drifted off to sleep, Burt called me over [why does everything have to be shared as a secret (sigh)?]. Despite myContinue reading “Don’t give up”
Reinvention
There’s a lot of re-inventing the wheel for us when we become caregivers. It makes sense that we have to learn how to deal with the many difficulties of dementia when it strikes. We have to learn to take on the responsibility for another person. We have to learn how to take care of ourselves.Continue reading “Reinvention”
Joy
In my post Advice, I said that I found joy during our journey with Burt’s dementia. It sounds Pollyanna-ish, so let me expound. Caring for someone you love is a gift of grace. The gift is reciprocal, so when Burt was aware enough to thank me, that thanks was my gift. When he wasn’t aware,Continue reading “Joy”
Advice
From the perspective of after My message for you, preparing for life with and then after, is that you find the joy. There was plenty of joy in caring for Burt. It was sometimes a discovery of who he was under the patina of our marriage; sometimes it was enjoying his jokes, and more importantlyContinue reading “Advice”
this is our life 