therealtamara

Where our paths didn’t cross

This was a part of Burt’s work history that I shared with you recently. The Sherry Netherlands was home to Kim Novak, a celeb he did not get to meet on his delivery route. Burt’s delivery job at the camera shop on 58th Street in the 1950s brought him to the Kodak plant on theContinue reading “Where our paths didn’t cross”

A jog to my memory

When I passed a firehouse on W 19th where a fire truck was going on a call, I had a recollection. Long ago. Burt and I were passing a firehouse; one truck had just left and a fireman remained in the doorway. Burt engaged him in conversation and in minutes, we were looking at theContinue reading “A jog to my memory”

Burt’s stories

Burt always loved talking. Thanks to this gift of gab, I had heard all his recollections before he retold them to me after he got dementia. I knew about his teen loves, the two Marcias, and his guy friends Paul and Eddie. I heard about his after-school jobs at the camera shop and a grocery.Continue reading “Burt’s stories”

Near the end

During what proved to be Burt’s final decline, he welcomed the company of some hallucinatory friends. His first experience with hallucinations had been of little people occupying our studio apartment; that had occurred at the beginning of our run-in with Lewy and those little occupants annoyed him. Now, he was having serious, intense conversations withContinue reading “Near the end”

At the beginning

By the time I started relating our journey through the pages of this blog, Burt and I had been at it for over three years. I described what transpired in the early days but I know it was from the perspective of distance. I feel like the beginning is the subtlest but least documented aspect ofContinue reading “At the beginning”

All those good years

I promise that I will continue to write about Burt’s struggles as I heal from the reeling loss of him. Heal is the wrong word, so is reel to be honest. It hurts but it’s not a pain you want to cure. It will dull on its own and I will feel that relief. InContinue reading “All those good years”

Revisiting

On my respites during Burt’s journey, I had avoided going where we had been together. Now, in his absence, these are the most welcome destinations. I am soothed by going where we had gone together.

We met

Just a month into our first year together, Burt made it his mission to give my apartment a makeover. Once refurbished, it would be our apartment. I found a contractor whose credentials included solid quirkiness. Every few days, we were asked for more money to keep the project going. Burt was paying for the workContinue reading “We met”

Meant to be

Burt did a favor for Angelo one day in 1990. He went to drop off something at the Puck Building. He noticed a freebie newspaper on the premises. The NY Press had an, also free, personal ad section. Intrigued, Burt worked on his pitch. I was in the market. Burt’s ad was tailor-made to myContinue reading “Meant to be”

Mourning

I will mourn you when You’re gone, and those Rites of your passing Allow my grief out from The volcano the furnace The seismic pressure I am holding together While you live each day As less of who you are Diminished, diminishing Lost but still here, still Mine, not fully mine, and Not always lost.Continue reading “Mourning”