TheRealTamara

Sorrow

Grief is not something you want to fix. I mean, I feel as if I am frequently trying to fix my saddness. It’s illogical. And not something I really want. Sorrow is an irrational passage. Grief is a process that like other life experiences yanks us in all directions and often doesn’t make sense. MourningContinue reading “Sorrow”

Flirty

Burt was not an extravagantly flamboyant flirt. He did it on the qt so he could keep plausible deniability. He wasn’t ashamed of his actions but he liked his flirtations under the radar. He always flirted, in a quiet what do you think way. Years ago, in what I’ve been calling the before, Burt toldContinue reading “Flirty”

Burt’s life

I did not prepare an obituary for Burt. Not even for the May 3rd memorial celebration of life. Who he was is laid out in the pages of this blog, even though you’re meeting him during his journey in illness. I have sprinkled memories from the before among my posts. Some of you knew himContinue reading “Burt’s life”

Where I went

I went to my 🤞penultimate 🦷appointment over a long haul.

Sadder

There will be days like these.. the line is from a rock n roll song. My mama said… it goes on… and it is only a caption, not the whole story. More to the point, those of us who are mourning know that there will be bad days and better days. Sad days and betterContinue reading “Sadder”

Artifacts

Recently when R and I were reminiscing about Burt, she said that when she started working with him, he always sat in front of the TV, planning shows for us to watch. He had been doing something like this for a long time. Before Lewy, he picked out our evening’s entertainment from the FIOS guideContinue reading “Artifacts”

By the way

It dawned on me as I described someone as “yes, Burt loved him” that I had said that or something like about alot of the people we met or knew. Burt found many friends over the years, especially as he slipped into dementia. He liked people and this came back in a kind of karmicContinue reading “By the way”

A great find

Noodling around my video cache, I found a 6 minute video in which Burton is speaking. We are snacking at the rehab. It’s dated April 2023. He is sweet and really enjoying his sweets. Among the dialog is his request I bring one cappucino instead of the latte. I say “But you like latte.” BurtContinue reading “A great find”

Some stories

Burt’s journey has ended. My journey continues without him. Or perhaps by dint of remembrance, with him, just kind of looking out for me. Like he always did. Part of my portmanteau now is recording what was. Both the orts and the epic. I know my friends expected me to tell tales of Burt at theContinue reading “Some stories”