TheRealTamara

Remembering Burt

My friend D warmed me by letting me know she was sharing remembrances of Burt with the doormen. She said she was also talking about him with her sister and their parents. Burt and I used to see D’s parents at Sedutto’s. They would take D’s girls for ice cream, I’m guessing once a week.Continue reading “Remembering Burt”

The from before

You met Burt here after the Lewy Body Dementia had taken a toll. For years, as it progressed, he maintained a lot of who he was. And who he was was funny, friendly, inquisitive. Loving, caring, smart. It started to really diminish him this past fall, LBD did. He lost his sociability. He gave upContinue reading “The from before”

I love you. Farewell

When Burt started having hallucinations (again) in the past several months, they (like the first ones at the beginning of Lewy) were mostly benign. I think it’s safe to say he felt safe in his home. I am grateful for that. The worst might have been that he needed to take someone from his crewContinue reading “I love you. Farewell”

2-25-2025 + 2

Burt just passed and yesterday was odd and aimless although I had things to do and did them. I miss Burt although saying it out loud is stating the obvious. A redundancy. I miss his aide. I miss the routine of our days. Back to the redundancy: I miss Burt. I told him I willContinue reading “2-25-2025 + 2”

So, what now?

I am aimless the day after Burt has left his body and his body has been taken away by the men from the mortuary. I visit the funeral home to fill out paperwork that will carry him away. Even further. Or carry his body away. I turn spiritual of a sudden. I know his soul,Continue reading “So, what now?”

2-25-2025 [to Burt]

My burden’s been lifted, orLessened. I search insteadFor the purpose I’ve lost orMisplaced. Caregiving is aJob or a job description, soOnce it passes you are noLonger giving care.The workIs over, finished, the burdenLifted, and you by definitionNo longer occupy that job.By definition caregiver doesNot define you, it is not whoYou are. It doesn’t define me.IContinue reading “2-25-2025 [to Burt]”

Burt, or, Burt and I

Burt and I was a radio program with a heavily-inflected Maine accent. It was homey. It was smart.

Closure, ha!

My post on February 25, 2025 speaks of getting closure being dependent upon the funeral parlor taking possession of Burt’s body. That, in the retrospect of half a night’s sleep, is inaccurate and, well, bullshit. It closed my day and left me able to go downstairs. I wanted to see the doorman who had notContinue reading “Closure, ha!”

Eerie

Burt’s body remained in the bed room until after 7:30. The ME when my dear S called him on my behalf was very apologetic. The funeral home sent someone from a NJ parlor because they close at 5pm. He was at rest but 8 hours was a long hard time for me to wait toContinue reading “Eerie”

It’s coming to the end

Or, more accurately, Burt’s last 4 days Burt’s temperature was 102.1. I gave him some water which he sputtered over, coughing but swallowing it. I put a cold wet papertowel on his head. It dropped to 99.1. His arms are shaking. His lips are shaking. He opens his eyes and puts his lips on theContinue reading “It’s coming to the end”