Burt is in the line of fire as Lewy takes more and more of his self. I feel for his losses as I do for my own. He spoke of himself in the third person today. “Does Burt know?,” he asked. I don’t understand so much of what he utters these days, but I heardContinue reading “Collateral damage”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
Slipping away
I hear myself saying, “I love you, truly, madly, deeply.” Why am I always quoting, inserting film titles or song lyrics?, I ask myself with mild annoyance at the habit of anchoring my affections in cultural history. I think it’s to acknowledge how normal it is. To love and to care, to adore the manContinue reading “Slipping away”
Time passes
A gratitude Time is an ironic boss. It passes. It moves so slowly that it’s as if someone forgot to release the break. At the same time (or by the same token), it rushes past us in a blur. In those instances (in those moments), we are caught off guard by the whirlwind. We sometimesContinue reading “Time passes”
Me me me Time
A Lament Let’s face it, I have me-time even when I sit with Burt. (How do you think these blogs get written?) Most of the time, there are no pressing and time-consuming needs. There’s a little quiet conversation. It’s not challenging or sustained. Often, it doesn’t even include me as Burt’s focused on some fantomContinue reading “Me me me Time”
It’s an aggressive disease
Long ago, that’s what 4 years feels like, Burt needed only companion care. Or, I needed it for him so I could feel he was safe and not alone while I took time for myself. I always knew the time for myself was a necessity if I would make it through the slog. Along theContinue reading “It’s an aggressive disease”
Changes
Burt seems less restless, even calm, despite the endless chatter. He’ll say he’s scared, but it isn’t urgent. In other words, the prediction that this declining state would be “easier” has come to fruition. His aides can give him water or juice. He’s amenable to eating if they feed him. Burt now entertains himself inContinue reading “Changes”
Expert advice
I am no expert on this disease. I play one around my house, as it were. I am as flummoxed by new behaviors as the next hapless caregiver. We have been thrown under this bus. Each of us. The onset of dementia in your partner can lead to confusion. His and mine. Burt and IContinue reading “Expert advice”
He knows me, he knows me not
«That’s not a very LBD thing,« my support group leader mentions. It’s not, and I resent that. There had been «a promise« that I would not be forgotten. The word was people with Lewy Body Dementia tend to always remember their loved ones. It’s not like Alzheimer’s. Well, Burt knows I am important in hisContinue reading “He knows me, he knows me not”
He doesn’t call
Burt always called me during my respite hours. At one time, while he still could, he’d place the calls himself, relying on the numbers from the phone book I had made him. Then he started getting his aide to place the call or to text me to call him. It was intrusive. I picked upContinue reading “He doesn’t call”
Memories
What makes you feel nostalgic? A YouTube video of snow cascading outside a coffee shop with jazz pleasantly playing prompted «It’s a slow game, but it’s good« from Burt. Lately, Burt will comment on a “movie” he feels he’s watching even with the TV off, so mention of the «game« didn’t throw me. For me,Continue reading “Memories”
