In the beginning, I only saw the symptoms. I protected us from the damaging effects of his impulsiveness, poor judgment, and diminished cognition. When he was aggressive, I did what I could so he didn’t hurt himself, me, or others. I met his agitation with the “I’m sorries” I had learned from counselors easing meContinue reading “It’s more than just the symptoms”
Author Archives: TheRealTamara
At the start
When Burt first presented with his array of bizarre and unexpected symptoms, I simultaneously felt [that] “I couldn’t” and “I got this.” My current state of mind is very similarly disposed to having it both ways. Often, it looks like he’s also on the same page. “Got it” and “I just can’t.” After a recentContinue reading “At the start”
What’s changed
Our lives have been turned topsy turvy by Burt’s dementia. Lewy Body has no timeline, but it does twist time. Obviously, Burt has been changed by his illness. Not so obviously, so have I The question: How has my pwd’s dementia changed me? has a long answer. I so want to say I am aContinue reading “What’s changed”
Defiance
Burt is pretty much in his own world. As long as the hallucinations aren’t scary, I am told there’s no need for me to fret. Or medicate. We shall see. The multiple mes disturb and unnerve me. Other aspects are amusing. Burt tried to send me on an errand the other night. When I said,Continue reading “Defiance”
Mid night thoughts May 7th
It’s a pernicious disease that has outsmarted us both, and Burt and I are pretty smart. Lewy Body Dementia has made its wily way into our lives. I have been split into fragmented personalities some of them adored some abhorred others tolerated. Burt is never fully alone except when he dreams I have abandoned him.Continue reading “Mid night thoughts May 7th”
So many of us
Burt, in one of the many moments of uncertainty about who I am, “met” a woman in our living room. As is his wont on these occasions, he interrogated me thoroughly. There was nothing I could say to convince him he was talking to me, his actual wife. As he does with all the Tamaras,Continue reading “So many of us”
Spinning yarns
It’s far more relaxing to spin plans with Burt rather than struggle. Is it an effort? Creating some very peculiar scenarios can tax my imagination. It doesn’t try my patience as much as resisting his. Today, he’s both insistent that we take a train somewhere to get home and that I left him alone forContinue reading “Spinning yarns”
Throwbacks
This many years in, I have assured lots of precautions will keep us financially safe. And me in control. We have the requisite legal papers in place as well. Despite that, when Burt, in a flashback to earlier capabilities, said, “I’ve never lost money,” there was a little shiver of fear. He was urging investments,Continue reading “Throwbacks”
That’s just silly
Getting sillier is becoming a salvation. There’s some serious stuff going on. Of course there is. I need to rise to the occasion to combat the many ills that come with Lewy. I also need to find ways to smile and stay sane. If texting “Tony the tiger great” is an indication of the latter.Continue reading “That’s just silly”
Bitter Sweet
This is what I shared with a group of my fellow LBD spouses about our 32nd anniversary: It’s the anniversary we’re not celebrating this Friday. I am so glad we did have his 84th surprise party and my birthday with friends when he was able to engage and enjoy. Burt’s current downturn makes those recent celebrationsContinue reading “Bitter Sweet”
this is our life 