Honoring those we love who have died is not a matter of constant sorrow. I was in a speakeasy Friday night, having fun watching the young, and, yes, being honored by them. [See “You are icons.” Prohibitions is back, baby.] Intentionality, my awkward word for mindfulness, makes it essential to laugh while grieving. This isContinue reading “Laugh, love, remember”
Author Archives: therealtamara
Why am I?
Why are we so obsessed with the end, with being there when our loved one passes? I say “we,” but I am asking “Why am I reliving the end?” Why am I upset that I was not on the scene when Burt died? I say “we” because I think it’s a universal distress. I wasn’tContinue reading “Why am I?”
Re-telling
It seems that I am covering the same ground in my posts lately. A few from the last couple of days, in commemoration of six months since Burt’s passing, repeat many stories I have told you. Some of those are running on a loop, looking for answers. I know there are no answers and thatContinue reading “Re-telling”
Passing
When Burt died, our aide and I checked for a pulse. I took the mirror, thanks to my slight acquaitance with Shakespeare to see if he was breathing. Then, I called his GCP at WCM Center on Aging. I wanted EMTs from a familiar place rather than 911 to tend to the final pronouncement. ItContinue reading “Passing”
Forgive me
Burt died at home. I’m glad I was able to take care of him at home for most of his struggle with LBD. Burt died at home, but I was not there at his moment of passing. Burt passed sometime between the moment I left home to walk to the gym and the ten minutesContinue reading “Forgive me”
Emotional logic
We like to think that we’re logical creatures but our minds belie this hope. Logic is buried in a web of emotions. Burt, it seemed, wasn’t aware that I went with him to the park on our weekend outings. I noticed this when I recapped the Sunday. We went to the pickleball court, I said.Continue reading “Emotional logic”
Grieving
At the recommendation of a friend, I started reading [aka, listening to] Geraldine Brooks’ Memorial Days. [I am rewarded for my new audio gal habit by listening to the author herself.] All those asides are beside the point. Brooks’ says early on that she did not grieve fully for her husband because society has devaluedContinue reading “Grieving”
What next
When that diagnosis of dementia comes, it’s natural to wonder how the future will look. Dementia is unpredictable, LBD perhaps a tad more so then Alzheimers, but all dementias are unpredictable. It’s hard to never be sure what’s in store for us. The uncertainty can be very disorienting for the caregiver. I also imagine thatContinue reading “What next”
Costs of care
The cost of taking care of a loved one with dementia is high. The American healthcare system is unlikely to be much help. Long term care insurance might provide the bandaid to expenses. I don’t know the cost to benefits analysis of buying this insurance; I didn’t have it. When your person gets ill, youContinue reading “Costs of care”
this is our life 