therealtamara

In my corner

He always cheered for me. Burt was always my champion, even in areas he personally had no interest. Zumba classes. My poetry. Things he would never do, although he dutifully and lovingly listened to my poems. He encouraged me. He enlightened me. His insights, some made during the years of his slow decline, were oftenContinue reading “In my corner”

In memory of

Burton P.- the man I love A pictorial of our recent past

The process

Grieving is a process that involves and invokes memories. Thanks to the volubility of my deeply missed beloved, I have lots of memories, even from his childhood. Burt told me many stories. I learned of the running board on his grandfather’s truck; the grandfather with whom he planted cucumbers. I heard how he met hisContinue reading “The process”

Missing

From beginning to end, it was not a sudden event. It felt like a long journey and also as if it all transpired in a flash. Dementia slowly steals faculties, alters personality, changes the conversation. Once upon years before, we shared ideas and interests, exchanged thoughts and had meaningful communication. Once upon… I thrilled atContinue reading “Missing”

All of a Sudden

Burt was my companion, my love, my guide, my partner, my pal for so many years and then he started withdrawing. That was not a conscious withdrawal but one he could not control. It was caused by the dementia that was also causing him to lose himself. Lost and not lost, as I have said,Continue reading “All of a Sudden”

Picture book

Our haunts

During the early years of the journey, Burt had destinations. He used to love to sit outside the HHS lobby; he befriended one of the security guards, Mr. Phillips, and would converse himself whenever we went there. The route was across the 78th Street bridge over the Drive and down the East River Esplanade. IContinue reading “Our haunts”

What else I am doing

Time with friends is a great support system during the journey and then when it abruptly stops. I have lots of plans. I have lots of wonderful friends with whom to hang.

Dear Burt,

You gave me a full happy life. We were lucky to find each other. Lucky, or destined? I’m not sure if either luck or fate belong in modern life. Or love. It was my joy and an honor to be with you each and every one of those nearly 35 years. Did we have disagreements?Continue reading “Dear Burt,”

The theater

We were regulars on Broadway, off, off-off. We attended dance and jazz performances. We went to pop concerts and some opera. When I string that out like that, I wonder how we found the time. As he approached the beginnings of his dementia, sitting through a ballet or staying for a show became a challenge.Continue reading “The theater”