Burt had a visit from his Geriatric House Call Dentist. This was his second such; Dr. K saw him about 6 months prior. Of course, she noticed the huge changes in his condition. He has a loose tooth we were considering extracting. We did not do that this visit but have it scheduled. I askedContinue reading “A visit from the dentist”
Author Archives: therealtamara
Again and then
When your heart breaks, youCan only think “oh, I love you ” No one should love so muchThat it hurts so much. Maybe.Eschew love. Altogether. YouWould be spared the pain, theIntensity of the despair that Loving brings. Maybe. I loveYou too much to care that itHurts, that your pain is mine,That my heart breaks forContinue reading “Again and then”
Morning musings
He falls asleep shortly after I feed him. While he eats, he has the penetrating look of a serious child. He chews slowly, with great deliberation. He grabs my hand, the one holding the bottle to his lips, when he drinks. It all breaks my heart. There is a picture of Burt at 16 sittingContinue reading “Morning musings”
Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red
I am going to mix the art references like a can of V-8, so apologies up front. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I know that for those of us who are caregiving, it’s acquired a new and more shaded meaning. For me, the romantic love at which Cupid’s arrow signals, has a patina of sadness. It hasContinue reading “Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red”
A sea change
Burt’s roller coaster has just been on one dip after another. His being bedbound poses a serious risk. Today we are expecting a visit from a nurse from VNS to assess the damage. We are treating two sores and the beginning of one on his butt cheek. Perhaps the nurse will have some added wisdom.Continue reading “A sea change”
Woke
Staying woke requires I stop buying from Amazon. We caregivers are prone to order from the mega-company as they have everything. I switched to a small family owned purveyor of incontinence and other caregiving products. They do not have everything I am accustomed to get. Carewell should help with our needs well enough. An earlyContinue reading “Woke”
Today
He is sleeping more. Some days, he sleeps through a meal. Other times, we skip his night time meds. These are mostly to help him sleep so that’s okay. His constant talk is baffling. It’s hard to tell what he’s saying. He often talks in his sleep, although even when he’s awake I often can’tContinue reading “Today”
Day to day
There is so little that changes by any magnitude. Burt remains in bed. He wriggles from his side posture to lie on his back. He shifts from the middle to which we’ve struggled to put him until his head leans on the bed rails. The bed rails were causing a dent on his forehead. WeContinue reading “Day to day”
My Burt
Burt looks through his intense old man’s eyes, with a seriousness that is touching. The look is fully reminiscent of the boy in him. Like that boy, he is sorting out the ways of the world. Conversations that draw simple and astonishing conclusions flow much of the day. He has lots of questions and gets manyContinue reading “My Burt”
Maybe
At 4am the other night Burt said «my wife was here but she ran away.« I said I love you. Today I am wondering as he says where’d she go (meaning me, I think) if he misses me the way I miss him. I tell him I love him often. Often he gives me aContinue reading “Maybe”
this is our life 