Author Archives: TheRealTamara
The past: our prologue
A picture album
Out of the past
Memories are a way of reliving the past. Memories are also a way to bring good feelings back. I spend more time with that past now. In my present, I also spend time living a heavy sorrow. From time to time, events and occasions trigger both memory and sorrow. We did this thing, checking outContinue reading “Out of the past”
Losing him again
He’s been several people over the past many months. Well, this is not at all unexpected; aren’t we all many people over a lifespan. I look at him sleeping now and regret that I can’t recall with any confidence what he was like two months ago or four years ago. I know who he isContinue reading “Losing him again”
Careful what you…
When Burt was newly diagnosed, he was feisty. He was difficult. He was contrary. His willfulness made it hard to divert and redirect him. He would argue, fight, and dispute my plans for his care. I would say (or think about) all those stories I had heard of dementia patients who were sweet and docile.Continue reading “Careful what you…”
This will surely help
My mind reverts to the wisdom that warns us who are caregiving that «the cavalry isn’t coming.« It isn’t and we are, surely, on our own. In fact, if there were a cavalry, we would have to be the one to lead the charge. We don’t have a cavalry that will save us from theContinue reading “This will surely help”
A visit from the dentist
Burt had a visit from his Geriatric House Call Dentist. This was his second such; Dr. K saw him about 6 months prior. Of course, she noticed the huge changes in his condition. He has a loose tooth we were considering extracting. We did not do that this visit but have it scheduled. I askedContinue reading “A visit from the dentist”
Again and then
When your heart breaks, youCan only think “oh, I love you ” No one should love so muchThat it hurts so much. Maybe.Eschew love. Altogether. YouWould be spared the pain, theIntensity of the despair that Loving brings. Maybe. I loveYou too much to care that itHurts, that your pain is mine,That my heart breaks forContinue reading “Again and then”
Morning musings
He falls asleep shortly after I feed him. While he eats, he has the penetrating look of a serious child. He chews slowly, with great deliberation. He grabs my hand, the one holding the bottle to his lips, when he drinks. It all breaks my heart. There is a picture of Burt at 16 sittingContinue reading “Morning musings”
Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red
I am going to mix the art references like a can of V-8, so apologies up front. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I know that for those of us who are caregiving, it’s acquired a new and more shaded meaning. For me, the romantic love at which Cupid’s arrow signals, has a patina of sadness. It hasContinue reading “Valentine’s: a deeper shade of red”
this is our life 