TheRealTamara

One spring day with Burt

Loneliness

Loneliness is not just about being alone. I am lonely, not because I lack for company and friends, but because I miss Burt’s company. I love my friends. I am grateful to have them with me. I am fortunate to have them in my life. I enjoy our conversations, our outings, the time we share.Continue reading “Loneliness”

Support. Volunteer.

The idea that I might want to stick around with dementia caregivers after the traumas of my journey with Burt seemed unlikely. I have mentioned this before. I admired and appreciated all those I met on my journey who were supporting others after their journey had ended. I just did not expect to be oneContinue reading “Support. Volunteer.”

“The way you wear your hat…”

My photo portfolio is full of all those shots I took of Burt.* Some picture of Burt is bound to come to the screen every day. This is the one that gave me my smile yesterday.∆ * As I pointed the camera at him, Burt would say something like you really love me; you’re alwaysContinue reading ““The way you wear your hat…””

Weekly call

Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you. Burt’s daughter would call him every week. In the last year or so, when LBD distracted him from the conversation, he still smiled at the attention. She and I would then catch up. Since he’s passed, she calls me every weekend and we catchContinue reading “Weekly call”

Missing, miss, missed

Missing Burt since he died a little over a year ago in many ways is not so different from how I felt his absence during his illness. He is not here and that is obvious in our empty house. It is obvious when I walk in the door or into the other room. I missContinue reading “Missing, miss, missed”

I ♥️ Support Groups

To me, it’s not a paying back or a pay-it-forward. I think of it as a graduation. I was a huge consumer of support groups while I was caregiving. I know how much I needed those sessions with others in a similar place. The neutral space where other caregivers talk freely under the guidance ofContinue reading “I ♥️ Support Groups”

After care

Caregiving is a purposeful and busy occupation. While I was Burt’s caregiver, I had focus and pep even when I was worried and tired. Since Burt passed, just over a year ago, I have felt I was aging. I am, of course, as time rolls by, but it feels as if I went from energeticContinue reading “After care”

I do

While I was in the midst of caregiving, an acquaintance suggested I pursue a flirtation I had mentioned to her. “Don’t think of it as cheating,” she advised. Of course, I would. And of course, in its way, it was not. Well, yes, strictly speaking, of course it was. This is a delicate point asContinue reading “I do”

Burt’s memorial plate, my memory

The plaque in memory of Burt is in its place in the God’s Love We Deliver kitchen. I will be checking it out in person soon. It’s fair to say that, in fact, time dulls memory. You want to remember all the highlights from years together. At least I do. And, mostly, I can. SomeContinue reading “Burt’s memorial plate, my memory”