TheRealTamara

We traveled a little

Burt had many anxieties when we first met, had had them for years. He feared train tunnels and getting stuck in them. He always faced his phobias. He planned trips for us, often by train. In fact, trains became our favorite mode of transportation. Our trips were special. We went to Mystic and spent aContinue reading “We traveled a little”

It’s not imminent

We all die alone; it’s our ownPersonal drama. Noone should Take our spotlight. I will stayAs witness. I will not let him goAlone. I will be the chorus to hisAgamennon, the Fool to his Lear Burt’s decline, as I have mulled it over and over, is a dark time for me. It is also darkContinue reading “It’s not imminent”

Lunacy

One of my fellow LBD spouses has been pushing the idea that a full moon influences behavior in our loved ones. I was skeptical. I tend to be. Serves me right that on Saturday with a full moon looming outside my window, Burt was awake and conversing until 2:30 in the morning. Full moon. StrangeContinue reading “Lunacy”

Confusio n

Let’s look at what being confused is really like. I think we often feel that it’s a pleasant state or, if not quite pleasant, a not-unpleasant one. You look around, and things don’t make sense, but you know, who cares: It’s all good. In this assessment, confusion is confused with the “no worties” state ofContinue reading “Confusio n”

Unambiguously

I started mourning…. I was going to say right away, well, that’s not true. The first losses kicked me in the gut. They perplexed me. I was angry. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I started mourning as I got used to the loss. Losses, that’s the right word; they are incremental;Continue reading “Unambiguously”

Moment to moment

Burt’s fever broke overnight, almost as suddenly as it started. He was immediately a bit less disoriented. He was able to speak more clearly. We were just chatting, and he mentioned his ex-wife‘s name. I was prepared for this. I was prepared for it to hurt when I asked who she was. He did say,Continue reading “Moment to moment”

Music

It’s medicinal. It can jog memories; it makes you feel good; it works on the mind. You know how music can bring a smile to your face. You know how music can make your love-with-dementia happy. There is scientific evidence for this. Neuro scientific evidence. The podcast here also tells us that there is redundancyContinue reading “Music”

A weekend routine

We were going out on Saturdays and Sundays. We went to Karl Schurz Park or to watch the waters along the East River Esplanade. We stopped at an ice cream parlor on our route to or from. When the park outings proved too much, we still went out for an ice cream. We went out.Continue reading “A weekend routine”

It’s a chore. It’s a delight.

The sound of the glug glug as the bottle empties makes me smile. Feeding Burt is a task. My wait time patience between spoonfuls is limited. I have to resort to a slow, silent count and to posture breaks. Feeding Burt is also the one remaining intimacy we share. That and giving him to drinkContinue reading “It’s a chore. It’s a delight.”

Here’s where the focus shifts

Burt is having more interactions with hallucinatory visitors these days. He experiences delusions and a good deal of confusion. This lessens his involvement and connection with those of us with him; the ones actually in the room. For instance, when I told him I was his wife and I was home with him, he said,Continue reading “Here’s where the focus shifts”