therealtamara

Oranges

They brought us oranges today. The “they” are the lovely people who cater our Meals on Wheels. I love oranges, but they’re work to prepare. This evening, as I looked at the orange in anticipation of cutting and peeling, I remembered that my mother always prepared my oranges for me. Years ago, when I sharedContinue reading “Oranges”

In the public eye

This occurred to me today: It is not fair that I have violated Burt’s privacy in describing our journey. I have shared his delusions with you; I have lamented his decline; I have exposed his hallucinations; I have described his terrors and his joys. It should be enough that his Lewy Body Dementia diminishes him.Continue reading “In the public eye”

News? Not much

My love thinks he met yet one more new wife. Today, this gave him qualms. Briefly. Can I have more than one wife at a time? I said you’re the exception to the rule. It’s ok for you. He is very happy with this one. She’s mostly nice to him; an exception to that wasContinue reading “News? Not much”

The things we still share

Much is lost as LBD progresses. That doesn’t mean we’ve lost everything to this disease. We still exchange affection in words and deeds. We kiss. We hold hands. We express how very very much we love each other. Often. He still says thank you when he wants to show appreciation. More importantly, Burt still knowsContinue reading “The things we still share”

What is slipping away

As Burt’s Lewy Body Dementia progresses There is no logic, so Burt has odd explanations of how things – even in his own body – work. Being able to define tasks, follow through, and find order go out the door with logic. Things he knew and understood are forgotten. This is not memory loss it’sContinue reading “What is slipping away”

Clean jean

There are many different kinds of optimism to sustain us. White pants are the one variety that I am sporting. For instance, I am expecting not to be covered with stains but am also planning a trip for ice cream today. I had been feeding Burt to spur his eating. I know it’s better toContinue reading “Clean jean”

Love and grief

I wear my grief on my sleeve likeA badge on a soccer uniformI hope that the love is a secondPatch also obvious, also on mySleeve. Love and grief commingle,Intertwined, intermingled, linkedIn tears and smiles, in the joy ofHaving you still with me. I see theGlimmers of who you always were.I mourn losing all the rest.Continue reading “Love and grief”

Food’s still an issue

It’s never one-and-done with Burt of course. He’s returning to the not willing to eat phase. His dinners are mostly pureed in an attempt to ensure they go down smoothly. Sometimes it works, sometimes he needs to get sweets to fill him up. Desserts tempt him. He ate half a pineapple cake* with his aideContinue reading “Food’s still an issue”

Equivocal grief

I have been doing my shareOf grieving lately. I say shareAs if it were an apportionedAmount. A pinch of salt, dashOf cardamon. Measure yourGrief in a beaker, a basket, byThe pound or a bushel. I doNot even know what a bushelIs. There’s the song, “I love youA bushel and a peck,” it adds”A hug aroundContinue reading “Equivocal grief”

A poem

It was, well still is, a beautiful Day, full of autumn’s promise,Crisp with expectation. I amSorry you missed it, my love.Staying inside, sluggish withYour special imaginings andDisconnected from seasonsAs they pass. I so want youPresent and here with me inThe warm of fall as it beginsTo cool. It’s a season I haveAlways enjoyed most ofContinue reading “A poem”