therealtamara

Who?

I was going to stop posting or post more discriminately. Then… This morning, Burt was doing his who are you little darling routine. It’s his memory game in which I hear about the other wives and often how badly I treat him. Today, we reconciled. I recounted our many years together. So far, all quiteContinue reading “Who?”

On Repeat

This is our life is getting to be a bit repetitious. We manufacture our own excitement when dealing with Lewy but there’s all that shucking and diving, ducking and jiving. And lots of calls to say again. On Saturday I ignored Burt who did not settle down again last night and listened to 2 ConanContinue reading “On Repeat”

Drama

Who needs the theater when Burt is so dramatic.* His declaration that we’ll all be dead if we go this way or that might (or not) be out of a sincere fear. It is, however, always on cue. Going out is still fraught with lord knows what, but he doesn’t fail at making it anContinue reading “Drama”

This guy

What does love have to do with it?

I found this poem about love being our salvation (and not) from April. It’s true. Love can’t stop the heartache, but we need it to just “keep on keepin’ on.” Today, Burt had no problem letting me go. He called to check when and where we would meet later. Very agreeable. Last night, my early toContinue reading “What does love have to do with it?”

A problem in the making?

It’s very likely that this hat rack arrangement will lose its utility soon. It is a convenience, but for Burt, it has become an issue. I knew it might be. He has begun humanizing animation on the TV and identifying with cars on the traffic cam station (FIOS 28). The other day, he asked whoContinue reading “A problem in the making?”

Like a peach

Ok. We’ve entered the clingy era. We’ve been there before but not quite like this. “I want you.” “Stay with me.” No. It is not gratifying. I would welcome his independence. I most certainly crave mine. I may have mentioned that I can no longer “reason” that I need my time to stay well forContinue reading “Like a peach”

One thing

It’s never just one thing. We are all of us, those afflicted with Lewy, those caring for them, those without a care in the world, complex human beings. My honey’s fractured brain sees the fractures and dichotomies. He splits them up, breaks us into compartments of good and bad, nice and not nice. For him,Continue reading “One thing”

A new approach?

Whatever I do, he can do better (I believe this is attributable to the musical Annie Get Your Gun). I have mentioned the zig zagging that winds up hi-jacking every narrative. When I think I have a path out of a delusional trip that we’re on, I need to pause. It’s easy to let selfContinue reading “A new approach?”

Cyclin’

Anyone concerned over Burt’s immortal soul should take heart. This morning, he was thanking god. Repeatedly. Mostly for me; I qvell. He was fast asleep before 6 last night and up about 5 this morning. We had an excellent time as he “discovered” we were married. “You’re so nice to me.” He ate well, too.Continue reading “Cyclin’”