TheRealTamara

Funny you should ask

How do you practice self-care? The “self-care” question meets with controversy and raised eyebrows in my community of caregivers. “Take care of yourself” is a well-meant message we often hear. Many of those of us who are taking care of a spouse understand the need, appreciate the sentiment, and just wish you didn’t have toContinue reading “Funny you should ask”

Virtual walk

I have wanted to join one of these Caring Kind walks for years. Perhaps with our weekend aide, we’re going to be able to do it this year! For now, I’m registered to walk in my heart and spirit along with others on this journey with dementia. Of course, Burt and I will walk togetherContinue reading “Virtual walk”

Sadness, no Sorrow

We need to grieve our sorrow. So do our sweethearts who are afflicted. I specifically said “sorrow” rather than sadness. It’s a deeper and more encompassing emotion. It seems that as his disease progresses, Burt grieves less. He appears to be less aware of his situation; if that is so, I am glad for him.Continue reading “Sadness, no Sorrow”

Chug chug

The Lewy roller-coaster has taken a small uphill turn. Burt’s no more cogent than he was at the slip down the slope. The change is more to do with his engagement with others. He’s happy to greet those he passes and more interested in being around others. We’re still surrounded by extra wives (now again,Continue reading “Chug chug”

A bad boy

Perhaps my tolerance for Burt’s more difficult side stems from my affection for the bad boy. Some of his outbursts are angry and defensive, but others have a touch of the mischievous. My boy has a wild streak. Still.

TMI

The balance between giving your beloved directions and oversharing expectations is just another fulcrum of care. You never told me is a frequent complaint whether I did or not. I will plead guilty and mutter a oh I thought I mentioned and that old standby sorry. Tell him about an upcoming event or activity tooContinue reading “TMI”

Getting out together

I hate to admit it. When apparently healthy couples of a certain age stroll by hand in hand, I am envious. The recent outings facilitated by our new weekend aide take some of the sting of my jealousy away. I can get out with my guy. That’s a nice feeling. We both enjoy being out,Continue reading “Getting out together”

Identity isn’t just for politics

This morning, I realized that the name of my poetry blog has a correlation with our journey with dementia. Burt has a regular delusion [mostly in early morning or at evening into night](pardon the digression). I am one of several wives, his Capgras syndrome tells me. Often, I am not sure which one he isContinue reading “Identity isn’t just for politics”

And that

Argumentative

Early on, I lamented not being able to argue with my husband. Now, when I scream at him out of exasperation from another room, he thinks there are two crazy women in his life. That’s not fair to him and must be a tad terrifying. His demonstrations of anger seem to be a way ofContinue reading “Argumentative”