Sandra Day O’Connor died several weeks ago of complications from dementia. Rosalynn Carter was 96 when she passed and had suffered from dementia as well. These days dementia is often the diagnosis. Sandra Day O’Connor had made “dementia” news before. When her husband was in memory care, he began an affair with a woman atContinue reading “Dementia in the news”
Author Archives: therealtamara
Difficult Behaviors
My love exhibited unusual, difficult behaviors early in our journey. Firing caregivers was one of them. He could be aggressive and combative. I had reason to worry. And wonder. Things have changed pretty much, but I guess as long as he has a progressive, unpredictable disease, I will have reason to worry.
Sharing
Burt just asked one of our neighbors if he knew about his dementia. Of course he did. Burt said, “It’s the worst.” Our kind neighbor said,”Yes.” Recently, I wondered what Burt’s understanding of his disease actually means. I guess I am trying to fathom how deeply he comprehends that he has a brain disease. HisContinue reading “Sharing”
It’s all in the timing
I’ve gotten into the habit of dismissing his actions as “poor timing.” He’ll ask for a glass of milk, for instance, and as I deliver it, he will take off for the bathroom or to go lie down. Burt’s rhythm, unlike mine, requires a slower beat. I want to keep things moving. He needs timeContinue reading “It’s all in the timing”
What’s next?
The declines are small things, almost unnoticeable. As you give care, however, those little indications don’t go unnoticed. At least not for long. It is the unremarkable that catches your attention, or rather niggles at your consciousness. It suddenly occurred to me that Burt’s acceptance that I hold the water glass for him was partContinue reading “What’s next?”
Intensity
There are lots of experiences and feelings I won’t share with you here. They are genuinely intense and hard to communicate to anyone who is not in the throes of caregiving. Those of you who are, have seen many of the toughest spots. Burt’s difficult behaviors always throw me for a loop and threaten myContinue reading “Intensity”
Like many of us
I have been tasked with caring for this one breaking and broken man. I am not alone. There are some 13 million caregivers in the USA, apparently, like me. Most of us stumbled into this daunting situation with no prior knowledge. At times, it is an overwhelming job. I can be filled with self-doubt andContinue reading “Like many of us”
Per usual
It’s a premise I have advanced here before. Burt is a flurry of emotions; it’s a symptom of his disease. To say his moods are changeable is putting it mildly. When I came home from my outings today, for instance, he told me how rotten I had been this morning. After a PT session, heContinue reading “Per usual”
Getting to know you
I have focused on finding the Burt I know within the damaged man he’s become. Today, I realized that I needed to also look at who he is. It’s time to get to know my Burt as he is now. Getting to know him entails accepting the change. I know, I know he has dementiaContinue reading “Getting to know you”
Aspirational
Let me confess that I am aspiring to a better path on this journey. I am far from treading that road. I boss him. He hates that. When he “throws me out,” instead of saying “never,” I say “OK see you around.” I need to say “I will never ever leave you.” Not only isContinue reading “Aspirational”
this is our life 