therealtamara

The journey

As Burt’s dementia proceeded, I noticed aspects of his character I had not noticed or paid attention to while he was well. These were not new; it was what he’d always had to offer. I just hadn’t noticed or paid attention to them before. His illness put me more in tune with him. Honestly, IContinue reading “The journey”

Back to the “from before”

Here’s the story of the picture [L] with the Blues Brothers vibe; I’ve shared this at length with A. who was curious about this photo in my pictorial. It’s a memory from the 2nd year that Burt and I were together. We were invited to party for Judith E’s birthday–who was married to Jim M,Continue reading “Back to the “from before””

Another picture book

Burt and I always were goers before his dementia stopped us in our tracks. Lately, my lament has been that we should have done more during his decline. Gone to dinner, taken more walks. In part, this is a wish, that if we did more, we could’ve made more memories. I’ve mentioned his expressed desireContinue reading

Burt’s hands

When we were younger, Burt’s hand clasped firmly over mine was a source of pleasant comfort. My hands are small; when we were holding hands, Burt’s hand enveloped mine. Holding hands is a way that those in love signal belonging. Over these last years we spent together, I truly admired his hands. Burt had long,Continue reading “Burt’s hands”

Reminiscence

Sitting at dinner, we exchange remembrances of those we’ve lost. We find some comfort as we speak. I remember my mom. As we keep talking, I miss my cousin and her amazing sense of humor. “She was,” I say, “the funniest person I ever knew.” I speak of Burt, my friend talks of her mother.Continue reading “Reminiscence”

Going where we used to go

There is a reassurance in being bathed in happy memories. And, kind of, adding to them as I do with good friends. Here’s our beloved East Village, dinner was at Ukranian East Village Restaurant. Last night, I enjoyed a dinner (and reminiscences) with my good friend D.

Accountable

It feels like I should have control over my feelings, my memories, my past and my future. The jumble sale that is a life can be so much messier than any accounting of it suggests. Well, in 1990, I did this; actually, I met Burt, so it was a big year. In 1992, we gotContinue reading “Accountable”

Big screen

I bought the 45″ TV for Burt. He had gotten us the smaller one a long while back. I am happy with it. The bigger screen seemed to be suited to his watching from his recliner. I don’t watch from his recliner. In fact, I had gotten both the TV and the big brown chair forContinue reading “Big screen”

An essay for carers

Why I will always treasure the healthcare pros who came into our lives when Burt got ill. There is a diminishment that comes with dementia. The dementia sufferer and the family who loves him see their quality of life plummet. It happens over time, but it also is evident early on, sometimes on day one.Continue reading “An essay for carers”