In the course of an hour or so, Burt was holding on tight to his aide’s hand. He took mine with his free hand and continued an elaborate explanation. His chat was freewheeling and pleasant. He’s been sweet like this of late. No arguments or accusations. This is Burt down to his basic self. He’sContinue reading “Basic Burt”
Category Archives: Grateful
Neglect
Sometimes, it feels like I am so torn up over the national outrage as it swirls around that I am not paying enough attention to my guy. Before you voice any alarm, know that I dearly love him. I will always tend to his needs. Love feeds and fuels me, so I am happy toContinue reading “Neglect”
Call and response
“Burton Philip… we’re having a good day.” I am quoting the random callout Burt made last night. His conversation is ongoing, and he is addressing someone with questions and a flow of dialog. This is an evening ritual. Who am I kidding? These exchanges can go on all day long. My friend J is right.Continue reading “Call and response”
Time passes
A gratitude Time is an ironic boss. It passes. It moves so slowly that it’s as if someone forgot to release the break. At the same time (or by the same token), it rushes past us in a blur. In those instances (in those moments), we are caught off guard by the whirlwind. We sometimesContinue reading “Time passes”
Amazing
In Down down up, I made the case that there was no denying Burt’s impairments. He’s no longer tethered to his Wall Street past, except for his frequent talk of money and time. He doesn’t see the companion of his journey by his side but lives with lots of imagined company. (Let me clarify, althoughContinue reading “Amazing”
Down down up
When I speak of Burt’s return or of an upswing, I am grading on a curve. After his recent declines, he has not achieved clarity, coherence, or cognitive functioning. He tells me of imagined trips where he met people with wonderfully unlikely names. He insists I bring Tamara to him when I say, “I’m yourContinue reading “Down down up”
Safe and secure
When are you most happy? When Burt shows delight, as he chortles, happily laughing at his own jokes, I am happy. My job 1 is keeping him at home, safe, secure, and comfortable. If he’s enjoying himself, it makes that job so much easier. Admittedly, my frustration trying to get his head back on the pillowContinue reading “Safe and secure”
Moment to moment
Burt’s fever broke overnight, almost as suddenly as it started. He was immediately a bit less disoriented. He was able to speak more clearly. We were just chatting, and he mentioned his ex-wife‘s name. I was prepared for this. I was prepared for it to hurt when I asked who she was. He did say,Continue reading “Moment to moment”
He’s back
Burt’s decline has been very distressing. Yesterday, he slept all day. He didn’t respond to his aide and this scared her. Today, he’s back and chatting. Giving advice, happy. Ah, Lewy. He’s staying in bed but eating well and talking a lot.
Love, loss
Last night, Burt was very vocal. I believe he was mostly speaking in his sleep. Much of this conversation last night addressed complaints. He called out my name a few times. In this chatter, he fluctuated between an unfavorable and a positive view of me. It was clear that he knew who I was. ThisContinue reading “Love, loss”
this is our life 