therealtamara

Jazzy

My discovery on my pared-down- no-more-cable teevee of jazz videos wingtailed nicely with an email. My friend BW found the must hear 20 jazz hits. More on those soon. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Night time jazz cafes. So let’s talk about those first. This is a category of YouTubes which IContinue reading “Jazzy”

It’s the little things

What’s your favorite candy? Memory is a blessing. We can live in and relive our favorite things. And the things we loved that maybe are now lost. I mentioned that moment while I stood by a V’Day display of chocolates and realized Burt no longer could appreciate that Hershey bar. That small realization came with Continue reading “It’s the little things”

A hiccup [story]

As we were finishing our lovely lunch, my great friend S started to hiccup. My hiccup wisdom came in play here. Burt, I said, had been hiccupping. I hadn’t noticed but then I did. An online support group had shared this issue so I was primed. In Burt’s case, it was likely an autonomic whateverContinue reading “A hiccup [story]”

Ambiguity

There is a pet term for the grieving and loss we feel as our loved ones dwindle and decline. As they lose themselves to confusion and disorientation, they are lost to us. Sometimes, the diminished cognition, reductive common sense, and other unraveling occur over many years. Each new feature of this unwinding is another lossContinue reading “Ambiguity”

Valentines

Speaking of the day of hearts and flowers, and I did mention it, this is another particularly difficult holiday. It’s that love stuff that gets us. Most of us have seen our marriages transformed by Lewy [or, really, any dementia]. Intimacy is not what it used to be. Love, of course, is a resilient andContinue reading “Valentines”

Speaking of gratitude

As I suggested to you, because it was suggested to me, it really helps us focus on the caring when we note at least one positive interaction with the one we love. I dare say, this is true in civilian life also but for us who are caregivers, it’s a monumental help. I had twoContinue reading “Speaking of gratitude”

The practice of care

Best practices include the care of our darlings but as caregivers we need to look out for ourselves. Care for the caregiver includes respite, a topic dear to me and upon which I have expostulated at length. Self-care can and should be done in the company of others. Spend time with friends. I have lunchContinue reading “The practice of care”

Best practices

One of my goals for this site is to offer guidance where I can. I want to list some ideas and tips that I have found handy on our journey. 1. Burt had some trouble vis a vis food early on. It worried me. I was feeding him lots of lemon meeingue pie and eggsContinue reading “Best practices”

Art for art’s sake

Squid Pro Quo is part of my respite care. I participate in a program that uses art as a tool for connection. The respite for me has added value because the other artists are not caregivers. It’s more a general population (albeit all of us older adults) group. It has been very soul-satisfying to me.

Basic Burt

In the course of an hour or so, Burt was holding on tight to his aide’s hand. He took mine with his free hand and continued an elaborate explanation. His chat was freewheeling and pleasant. He’s been sweet like this of late. No arguments or accusations. This is Burt down to his basic self. He’sContinue reading “Basic Burt”