therealtamara

Ms. Fix It

I am a fixer. I feel it as a plus and a negative. My husband’s dementia is leaving him more broken each day. I can’t fix that. How can I help? How can I avoid doing harm. I am out of the house, joining an aerobics class or having coffee with a friend. He callsContinue reading “Ms. Fix It”

Cognitive decline

The way in which Burt’s reasoning works these days is odd and irregular. Much of his thought processes take him in divergent directions. He sees no contradiction. If I weren’t so stricken by his illogical theorizing, I would find it all quite fascinating. As it is, his decline (euphemistically and paradoxically called disease progression) justContinue reading “Cognitive decline”

Purpose

Well. That’s a mouthful. We need purpose to avoid aimlessly wandering through life. A shopping list gives me purpose. A need to fulfill and a will to fulfill it. There’s intent there. It’s actionable. Purpose seems like a lofty goal, but I guess what I’m saying is it’s not out of reach.

Burdens. Joys.

Gratitude is a “thing” for the 2020s Era, but it is also a very powerful tool. This way of seeing and being opens us up to joy and enjoyment. I feel free to be grateful even for my sadness and my sorrow. With that, I feel even greater gratitude for pleasures, joys, and enjoyments. BurtContinue reading “Burdens. Joys.”

Rhythms

You and your spouse have a dynamic. It is likely, nay certain, that that dynamic will change as dementia takes hold. If you are like me, reluctant to let go, wishing it weren’t so, you will try to keep the rhythm of your relationship. It isn’t there. Sadly. They tell me acceptance will make itContinue reading “Rhythms”

Growth

What experiences in life helped you grow the most? Let’s look at the question in the all- consuming context of caregiving. Other experiences have contributed to my professional growth. They found a place on my resume. Falling in love helped me grow in my heart and soul. Then along came my love’s dementia and IContinue reading “Growth”

Communication

Some of our conversations feel like this “Challenge Game.”

In appreciation

Burt is still a difficult man. The diagnosis didn’t change that. He had quirks that irked when he was healthy. Let’s be honest, if you’re married, then your spouse has an annoying habit or two. His illness had me step back a little. It put my annoyance in perspective. The anxiety he’d lived with allContinue reading “In appreciation”

Support

There is a unique and uniquely helpful support group offered by New York alz.org. I have been participating in this wonderful writers group this past couple of months. Each session, we are guided by helpful prompts to explore our experiences in the caregiving journey. We then take some 15 to 20 minutes to write itContinue reading “Support”

Understanding

It’s nice when Burt gets the gist of my writing about him. When it contains the promise of my love as in the poem I created for him the other night, he’s a happy audience. So much of what I say is distorted on its way to meet him that it can be a frustrationContinue reading “Understanding”